Iphigeneian Swap

Dear Pork Loin,

You are the most phallic thing I have ever handled.
Yes, even more phallic than my actual vibrating dildo, which is sleek, blue, vaguely shaped like lipstick, and much, much less veiny than you, Pork Loin.

I do not think that we can be friends,
but after I coat you in a garlic honey mustard glaze,
shove you into the oven, and
slice you into circles
I am pretty confidant that you can be my dinner.

Thank you, lord, for this bountiful penis.

what the fucking fuck, New York.

More on this later.
Too pissed right now.

-----


I guess what bothers me the most is that there is simply no viable, legislative reason for Gay Marriage to Not Be Legal. There is no opposing argument that doesn't involve a strictly religious morality. Hell, it would even be good economically. This is an absurd fight. I don't understand how there can even be debate. It boggles my goddamn mind.

As Lei pointed out, at least New York will still honor marriages performed in other states--which is, practically, a positive thing. But, as far as legislature goes... I think that might make NY the most hypocritical of states.

You've probably already seen this, but Senator Savino's speech is so heartening. She is a badass.




I understand why the bill failed, but I had really thought it would pass. I got really excited. Damn it, Governor Patterson! You told me I would be able to get married! I believed you!

goddamn.

Dear Professors:
You do realize that the university has sanctioned "reading days," specifically for studying and preparing for final exams and papers? See, because, when you ALL make your 10 page paper/intensive exam/creative project + critical artist's statement/etc due the week BEFORE that allotted time that, um, we don't have time to bloody DO them?

Love,
Savanna



In other news, this house is really goddamn cold.
We did pay the heating bill, right?

I love this mess.
Mark actually acting like a father? Ben's car fixed and returned in time for him to drive home for T-gives? Library Schemes progressing in a distinguished, reasonable manner? Teaching myself Greek beginning this week? Writing the screenplay for an all-female short film version of Lord of the Flies?

Not sure how Terrible Inextricable Problems solve themselves so effectively and so quickly, but they did.
But, nah, I don't feel like talking about it.
Staying in 'Cuse for Thanksgiving, because my family sort of, um, fucked up T-Gives. But, it's really going to be fine, as we have loads of friends who will be here too, so we are PotLucking it Up. I'm making Green Bean Casserole... and sporting the Canned Cranberry Sauce, because that is Exactly Fucking How I Roll. That stuff is delicious.

And I got new sneakers! ||: RIP, plaid Vans. You were pretty kick-ass, and you kicked it for almost 5 years, by my count, but there comes a time in every man's life when she has to acknowledge that you were pretty much disintegrating. Word.





And, yeah, so, maybe we started a Vlog.
But you'll never get it out of me!
Never!
Okay, fine, it's right here.

So, yeah, library issued a hold on the plan to relocate books, big success, yadda-yadda,

BUT THEN.

Frantic running back and forth to the tire store because we finally have to money to get a new tire (it's been out of commission for over a month, because of a shot wheel) and they decided to be all "nope, we have no record of you ever having been here, and by the way, we lost your rim!" and then the guy tried to convince me that maybe I hallucinated and had never actually been to the shop. Right. Thanks.

Lots of running around, figured out my spare isn't a spare, it's a real tire so I can just chill out with that for a while and be good to go.

except that somewhere in there I fucked up! Because that's what I do: I ruin things. Yeah, it's my job. I'm a monster.

I was driving Roommate Ben's car (let's recap: Super-Nice Ben who let us use his MUSTANG while our cars were falling apart and exploding) and I drove over a goddamn curb (it was a slope, I didn't know how far over I was, I fucked up). I bent the fender. The passenger door makes a horrible sound when you open it.

FUCK. Fuck fuck fuck. Obviously I have to fix it. Ben wasn't mad, but FUCK. It needs to get fixed before he goes home for Thanksgiving, and I have no goddamn money which means I have to ask Mark and I am terifieeeed to ask him for 300 dollars shitshit shit!


annnd my boss just hit her head and is bleeding profusely so I'mma go help that lady get to a hospital.

My life is an adventure.

It makes me kind of sad that my requirements for potential grad school locations include the criteria "Will I get the shit beaten out of me for kissing my girlfriend in public? [Y/N]"

I mean. Pretty much any sizable city has a gay district, so I'd probably be fine, but it is so stupid that I have to go "Oh, huh, Duke... Is North Carolina too far South?" It is the reason that I didn't apply to University of Mississippi for undergrad, even though they have an excellent English Department and the premier Faulkner scholar on faculty.

Huff huff.

In case you were wondering what I've been up to lately, I encourage you to check out this:

http://www.dailyorange.com/home/index.cfm?event=displayArticlePrinterFriendly&uStory_id=c2cb9d2c-c4ea-43bb-bdbd-b3253c559f74

and this:

http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2009/11/13/syracuse

and yes, I am too lazy to be buggered with reformatting that into a linked text.
(but holy craaaap I got quoted in not only my school paper, but also a national education magazine. Whaaaat! What.)


Basically, 300 of my closest friends and I, a tenacious bundle of Grad Students, and some seriously pissed off faculty are trying to get a viable solution that does not involve sending our books 4 hours away. Ideally, I think, since we actually ARE overcrowded in the central University library, we'd build downtown--since our school prides itself on being a sustainable, positive force in our community.

I've been pleasantly surprised by the response this movement has elicited. What's frustrating is the overwhelming majority of people who say "we had no idea!" and it's true--I've become something of an organizer, but even I just found out a little over a week ago. The student body is embarrassingly uninformed about these issues. But the amount of support--from faculty, alumnae, the SA, and other students--has been awesome.

Might we not be an entirely apathetic campus after all? My, my!
Stay tuned...

"It's not bad music if it makes you want to dance."
David Krebs, Chummy Fellow Extraordinaire, Exquisite Booty-Shaker and Man-About-Town.

So, I have writings appearing in 3 publications this Fall/Winter.

Two pieces in The Out Crowd, the LGBT magazine on campus. One is a Q&A with Doug Quint, driver of the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck in NYC--probably the friendliest person I have ever talked to in my life--which is a pretty short, lighthearted transcript of our phone conversation. The other is the feature for the Sex & Health section, and it's about a local AIDS house, and the two wonderful men who run it.

Just got the go-ahead to write a piece on photoshopping in advertising for the FIRST ISSUE of Syracuse's BRAND NEW FEMINIST MAGAZINE--Medusa! Wooooooot!

I accidentally met the Editor-in-Chief of our Literary Magazine, to which I'd submitted a shortshort story. He said "You wrote the story about the guy who eats his sofa." and I said "Yes...?" and he went on to explain who he was, that he really liked it, and that he was planning to include it in the issue. Win!

And then,
The Big News:

I just signed a contract to direct a play with a real, local, company. I just signed a contract. I'm official. I'm ForRealForReal. I'm...still in shock. I'm even getting paid (small amount, but I wasn't expecting anything at all, because it's a benefit show--so that's awesome!) and --holy shit. The play is The Complete Works of William Shakespeare...Abridged! If you've seen it, you know it's a hilarious, witty, quick-paced script. If you haven't seen it, I just told you. Auditions are in December, show goes up in March.

The producer seems like a really interesting guy. A younger fellow, he's an alum of the SU English Department, which is where I got word that he needed a director. Two of my professors contacted me about it, and I sent him a message, and then my resume. He started the Company in Philadelphia, and recently moved with it back to Syracuse. They do six shows a year, and I'm not clear yet whether they fund multiple charities, but I know their big one is Make a Wish. It's really neat to talk to him and see how the bigger picture works with a real Theatre company--the patrons, the paperwork, all that legal stuff that the campus student organization doesn't usually have to bother with.

But. Oh gees. I'm pretty damn excited.


But don't worry, I won't let my head get too big because I still do dumb shit like:

Leilani and I have become addicted to True Blood (it's so good! And set in Louisiana!), and, well, it's a pretty sexy show, and afterward we were getting a bit frisky, and maybe she thought biting my neck would be a good idea, and --uh, I arched my neck up into it and discovered that--OW! That fuggin' hurts, man! There was no puncture, or anything, there was just...foolishness.

We made Meatload, Mashed Poatoes, and Peas for dinner last night.
Then I scooped guts out of a pumpkin, and pureed the rest for Future Pumpkin Pie.
(a few weeks ago I made Beef Stroganoff and Green Bean Casserole.)


If we were still in doubt as to whether I might become my mother, I think we've cleared it up.



To maintain my youthful dignity, I skateboarded to campus today, but I cannot help noticing that I am wearing a button-up with a vest. ...And that I skateboarded to the Undergraduate Committee Meeting, (have I mentioned that I get to sit on the department board, and vote on things, and represent the student body? Because I do. Today I helped organize a career fair. A career fair!) which is pretty much the most grown-up thing I could be doing with my life.



In short, I'm old.

And my brother is married! Gay married! Who knew Connecticut could be so cutting-edge.
But, really, this was about 15 years of relationship that finally got the validation it deserved. Leilani pointed out that this means Phillip started dating Jacinto when I was about 4 years old--which explains why I really can't ever remember a time before Jacinto, or a time without him. The reception was really small and nice, and we toasted with pink champagne. I was really happy to have Lei with me, she got to meet my fabulous gay Uncles Steve & Carl, who are really great conversationalists, as well as the famous Grant Cruseturner, my brother-in-law. And Jen loves Lei, which means chatter abounds!

At one point, Jen & Grant, Phillip & Jacinto, and Lei & I were all sitting around a table having lunch, and Jen pops up and says "I'm--a little bit shocked that we're all together like this. Every one of us, just sittin' here! Havin' lunch!" and I don't know if that translates to Blogland, but I was feeling the same. How bizarre! Not only to have all the siblings together, but to have everyone's loves and ladyloves there too? It felt Complete. It felt like--dare I say it?--family.

I don't know. One of those things. You know.


So I fear that I'm getting too old and fat and complacent, but things are really cozy in the world. A fear of being too settled struck briefly this summer, and I nearly ruined everything, but we've bumbled through it, and now I feel so... happily boring. Does that make sense? We have a heater blanket. We sleep. I could spend all of my days in it and be totally content. I carved a pumpkin last week and it was so satisfying. I love our messy stacks of books that we leave--sprawling open and facedown, instead of bookmarks--all over the room.

I love the fall.

So maybe I like this mix that I made. So what.

Waking Up in Vegas--Katie Perry
I Kissed a Girl--Jill Sobule (it's different that the Katie Perry one! But I do like Katie Perry. Shut up.)
Let's Dance to Joy Division--The Wombats
Boris' Serenade--aria from Cheremushki, opera by Shostokovich
Fast Car--Tracy Chapman
Lager Lout--The Tiger Lillies
Whatever You Like--T.I.
Hide in the Light--The Sunshine Fix
A Little Priest--Sweeney Todd
Us--Regina Spektor
Mamma Mia--ABBA
Tristan--Patrick Wolf
Lessons Learned--Matt & Kim
The Sounds They Make--Maps & Atlases
Dance Dance Dance--Lykke Li


Yeah well so what.

Ohhhhmygod studyabroad.

Okay, I've changed my mind roughly a billion times. First it was Paris, and then I found out I couldn't, so it was Florence, and then it was London, briefly, and then it was Florence again, and then it was Africa, and then that didn't quite work out, so then it was Strasbourg, and then I started thinking about all the shit I'd be missing second semester and I thought what if I just didn't? and then I found this Paris summer program that is very very expensive, but also really goddamn cool (see how cool, here) annnnnnd now I need to decide on a semester in Strasbourg or 5 weeks in Paris --or, any length of time, anywhere else. Because I am the most willowy and moldable of travelers.

Strasbourg Pros:
-Close to everybloodything. Travelling ahoy!
-Sweet Action courses taught in French! Yay French! Also, Women's Studies! And many many subjects, actually.
-Living there, for approximately 4 or 5 months.

Paris Pros:
-It's Fucking Paris.
-Seminar style class, taught in a cafe.
-Independent study contract

Also, if I go in Summer, I could still do Vagina Monologues. Which. Is a lot more near and dear to my heart than it really probably should be. Hm.


The other thing at play here is I'd thought I might either WWOOF or intern this summer, (intranationally), and I'm not sure I could do that as easily if I'm gone through July 10.


Okay! Come on you travelling fiends! Give my life direction!

L: "Wait, let me get this straight. She's an English professor--but she's not a lesbian, she's not unmarried or unhappily married, she's not bad looking, she's not old, and she has kids?"

S: "Yes."

L: "There's something wrong with her."


(later)
L: She probably has eleven toes. ...Gross.

HOW am I expected to do my homework when there is A BUNNY over there? How am I supposed to be reading about sexuality when HE HAS FLOPPY EARS AND BROWN SPOTS!

How am I supposed to read all these pages and do my french when OH MY GOD HE IS WASHING HIS FACE AGAIN.
I love him when he washes his face!
...Face washer!


What if Socrates were a rabbit?
(A: He'd be soft.)

EDIT:
DID YOU KNOW
that when a rabbit is extremely excited, it will run around and click his heels together, Broadway-style, to show you he is The Most Happy? It's true! This is a documented behaviour in our Bunny Info Booklet, and it was exhibited this afternoon by Socrates himself.

gummy. I feel gummy.

And old.
and weepy.

And.
I don't like it.

--in which I scream like a screaming thing.

Because, from the moment the lights cut out and Paul McCartney stepped onto the stage, taking a posh little stance between the two enormous screens copying his every move, I could not stop screaming like a 14-year old in a pencil skirt and cat-eye glasses. I couldn't help it! Maybe it's because he's a Beatle, maybe it's because he has a sassy smirk, or maybe it's because he's a genuinely excellent performer. Whatever it is, it kept the four of us squealing like mad ladies throughout the night: every time he changed songs, (eeeee! It's "Flaming Pie!" eeee! It's "Yesterday!") or spoke in his lovely lovely Beatley accent (eeeeee! He's so cute!) or changed instruments (eeeeeeeeeohmygod, he's gonna play the ukulele) or removed his jacket to reveal red suspenders (eeeeeeeee--Jesus god, man! Quit being sexy, you're nearly 70! Show some decency!).

He very nearly turned Katie-Mae briefly straight. It was like that.

And, did I mention fireworks?
Because, yeah. Fireworks.
During "Live & Let Die."

His voice is still the same, which was my major fear. But "Calico Skies" sounded just like "Calico Skies," and "Lady Madonna" sounded just the way it should, perhaps even slightly more rocking

Which reminds me that he opened with "Drive My Car," which I never really considered an exceptionally badass and rocking song, until last night. It was perfect, and dance-inspiring and Just So.

OKAY. Now I am tired because I spent all day driving back from DC. Lei has the full setlist on her blog, if you are into that kind of thing.

PAAAAAAUUUULLL.

I should also write in here about the Abbey/Katie-Mae/Lei/Savs reunion voyage, or Zoe and the Ethiopian Arby's, but... I'm not. PAUL!

...PAAAULLLL.

Sergio, having concluded dictation on an email, dismisses me, and then, as I am about to walk out of the office:

"Oh! A moment--"
"Mm?"
"I want it to say, 'Cheers.'"


Also, he recently compiled a list of events and activities he has seen at stamp exhibitions, to be used as possible suggestions for the upcoming ASDA conference. The first few were fairly pedestrian, mundane suggestions that you expect from a stamp conference (#9, Open bar set up with "beer garden" atmosphere, band music. #10, Creation of personalized stamps) but somewhere in the middle of page 2, it got interesting:

(46) Presence of clowns.
(47) Presence of robots which run around the show at random and speak with people.
(48) Presence of a genuine classic Zeppelin, to climb in, etc.
(49) Presence of a genuine space capsule or lander, to climb in, etc.


...PHILATELY ROBOTS?

Queer Fiction, I knew you would not let me down!

Reading list is up, and includes a graphic novel.

Annnnd Picture of Dorian Gray PLUS a book about the Wilde sodomy trials so I finally get to do that book for a class w. intense study instead of just my own inferior musings.

(And Giovanni's Room, which should surprise no one.)



--and a bunch more that I don't have time to share because I have to put gas in my car before work.

Queer fictiooooon!

Saw Regis Philbin today.
He was shopping for tchotchkes.
Of course he was.